Friday, July 28, 2000
I can't bring myself to tell my girlfriend I love her. It's not that I don't care for her, because I do, it's just that I'm not in enough emotional anguish to justify using that word. I'm going to lose her over it. Which sucks. She IS in severe emotional anguish, and tells me she loves me. It breaks my heart, which I'm suspecting I don't have. But I'm being honest, damn it. And I won't lie to the girl. It sucks because I really enjoy being with her. And she doesn't enjoy being with me, because she loves me too much -- emotions make no frickin' sense. You'd think loving someone would primarily mean wanting to be with them, at least that would make operational sense -- but nooooooo. Love is an affliction and a delusion, remedied only by exposure to the reality of the loved. She's breaking her own heart. The best thing for her would be to stay with me until she thinks I'm a schmuck, then ditch me. I will suggest that to her.